What should I do about my beer belly? - Take it to the game!

Gentlemen, I present you with:

The Beer Belly

At $39.99, this is one beer belly that you needn't try to get rid of. Holds 2 litres (over a 6 pack). Screw paying through the nose for sub standard beer at the game. Sneak in 2 litres of your favourite brew and enjoy the game. If your team sucks, no matter, so will you! - via the feeder tube and bite valve.
Plus after the game, when the beer goggles have kicked in, you will actually have gotten slimmer and possibly more attractive, as your new found drunken confidence will try to convince you.

There's even something for the ladies:

The wine rack:

Nice rack!
Holds 750ml and increases bust line by two cup sizes (no pun intended).

"Drink through the tube of this bust booster, or pour directly into cup."

Man, that would be a sight to see.

"Not recommended for users with a naturally huge chest or carbonated beverages (unless you want to sacrifice comfort and get pornstar stares)."

Man, that would be a sight to see.